My random thoughts spilled over the net. Watch yourself; it can get brainy.
Phil From Up The Hill
Has been AMAZING. Let me explain how this happened:
- I actually get to write and get paid for it.
- I have a job that apparently likes me so much that I’ve reeled off 25 work days in the past thirty.
- I am now a 100% home-owner. Read it up!
- I’m back going to sports games, music shows, playing music again with my best friend, getting the band back together, connecting with all of the people who missed me and I missed, and forgetting about everything bad that happened to me when I was in Ohio in terms of untrustworthy people.
- I’m back to taking care of my mother, making sure she’s secure and safe and making sure life is easier for her now than it was when I was stuck in Ohio.
So yeah, I love life right now. I’m working hard and yes, some people are just as ignorant as they were when I left NJ, but it’s all totally totally fine; I’m over the hump. The painful transition is over and the healing has begun. I’m popular again in my (admittedly square and corny - fuck you, I love it) Phil way, back to the occasional party, chilling constantly, working to progress my career while also making a ton of new, amazing colleagues in the writing profession, and back to being genuine and constant in a way that I simply didn’t feel the need to be back in Ohio, an experience I still liken to a Living Hell. And when I get my footing dug in deep enough, I plan to work in NY, maybe even live there (it is, admittedly, filthy and noisy). Life finally came together early in the year, and now it’s actually gotten better.
Just before I get into any bitterness or anger I’ve felt, I want to make this perfectly, unabashedly clear; I understand that socially, I’ve fucked up a lot. I understand that I’ve made decisions that are unethical, unfair, and certainly desperate when I was in the Mid-west. I definitely learned a lot about myself over the past three years, and not all of it is something I’m proud of looking back now. But you know what?
I’m happy it happened.
I’m happy I got to make friends/connections in Ohio. I still get calls and messages from people there. I still have some presence. I don’t regret losing whatever people I did, some for a short time and some permanently, because I understood, slowly, that not all of the people I knew in High School, HAD to be my friends afterwards. It’s hard to swallow at first, and definitely more than a little hard to ignore/delete people when needed and have them confront me about it, but I did what I needed to to survive what most people might call Living Hell. I’m happy for my life and the plentiful people in it. And I’m happy to feel love and family for the first time in years.
I am legit, 100% happy. And I hope you like that, because I’m not intending on changing it :)
My ex: if I’m nice to her, she takes advantage of me, and if I’m not nice to her, I’m a monster.
Why try?
super-short-steff asked: tag, you’re it! Here are the rules: Each tagged person must post ten things about themselves. You have to choose and tag ten people. Go to their blogs and tell them you tagged them. No tag back. :)
I’m not following your rules! Silver punch buggie, no punch back.
Just heard someone argue that the coverage of Patrick Swyaze’s death was an example of the inability to die/retire with dignity in America.
Um.
Have they ever seen ‘Ghost’? I’m having trouble the finding the dignity in there…
